Fragments Read online

  Rachel went even redder, clearly not wanting to have that conversation. It was taboo for her. Something I was determined to break her of. Having sex off limits was a good way to cause problems later on. How was she supposed to explore her sexuality if she was afraid of talking about it?

  “Sex things,” I said. “Is he good at sex things?”

  “Shut up about it,” Rachel snapped.

  “Sex is a part of life.”

  “Shut up about it, Rebecca.”

  “You shut up about it.”

  “You whore.”

  “A woman shouldn’t be called a whore because she occasionally enjoys a pleasing a man with her mouth. That’s like calling someone an alcoholic because she occasionally enjoys a glass of wine. And even if I like a lot of sex with a lot of men and women, do you know how many partners Morgan has had? Or Blane? Are you aware that he woke one morning to Penelope giving him oral?”

  Rachel hesitated, uncertain for a long moment. I nodded in response.

  “Yes, and she was young enough that he called her adolescent. A young Alpha raped him. With her mouth. And that’s normal for these people.

  “Me wanting a cock in my mouth? Not that big of a deal. I could buy a toy and use that on myself, but why use a toy when I’ve got hot men apparently fighting over me? I’m going to go and use one right now. And maybe tomorrow I’ll use a different one. Heck, I could have one for every day of the week. Know what that doesn’t make me? A whore. It wouldn’t even make me a slut.

  “Enjoying sex is not a crime. Get over it.”

  “How about… you be you and I be me, and neither of us judges the other one?” Rachel offered.

  “If Morgan isn’t doing you well enough that you’re wet at the thought of giving him oral, he’s doing something wrong. Because if you give that to him, it should make you wet, because he should be reciprocating that. Not necessarily with oral, if that’s not your thing, but he should give back like you gave to him and the idea of that should make you wet like he gets hard at the offer you make to him.”

  “You are not who I thought you were,” Rachel said.

  I shrugged. That was all I could do because I didn’t have any other answer.

  “It’s not a bad thing, just,” Rachel hesitated for a moment. “I had this weird image around sex and now it’s gone.”

  “Oh,” I said, an idea occurring to me. “Take a picture of your tits, and send it Morgan.”

  “Why?” Rachel said.

  “Normal guys love that. If he’s not the type, take a picture of your tits in a bra, try to get your chin and mouth in there, bite your bottom lip. Or touch your bottom lip. You want a dirty girl sort of image for that, and I know it sounds weird but you should do it. He will be here so fast. Or, dick pic in response.”

  “What’s a … no, never mind, just figured it out. Why do I want a dick pic?”

  “I’d like a dick pic,” I said.

  “Send Gerrid a boob pick.”

  “I don’t have a phone, Rachel.”

  “Oh, it’s in your room,” she said, walking past me with a motion. “This way.”

  Rachel led me through the hallways and I got thoroughly lost quite quickly. I wasn’t certain how long she had been living there, but she was a great deal more comfortable with the place than I was. At my door, I hesitated, then turned to her.

  “Wine and such?” she asked.

  “Yes, I think I kind of do need that.”

  “Okay, we’ll set it up. Tonight, or tomorrow night?”

  “Tonight,” I said.

  “Okay, let’s do that, then,” she said with a smile. “You’re handling today remarkably well.”

  I shrugged. “What other option do I have?”

  Then I slipped into my room and closed the door. I sunk down to the floor with my back to that closed door, and put my head on my knees, wrapping my arms around my legs. I hugged myself as I fought off the other emotions that threatened to boil up and consume me.

  I wanted to hide and be small. I didn’t want to be this thing that everyone else was making me into. I just wanted to—

  There was a knock on the door, making it vibrate behind me and jostle my back.

  I stood and opened it.

  Gerrid stood on the other side. Nothing in his hands, he simply stood there, waiting for me to give him permission to enter. I stood to the side and motioned inward. He slipped into the room and then took the door from me and closed it quietly, but firmly. He slipped the lock into place and then turned to me.

  “I’ve had the cameras in here shut off,” he said quietly.

  “Why?” I asked.

  “You need privacy,” he said.

  He pushed off the door almost arrogantly as he approached me. A small smile dancing on his lips as he looked me up and down. He bit his bottom lip as he considered my form, then met my eyes once more.

  “What would you have of me?” he asked.

  “What are you doing, Gerrid?” I asked.

  He stepped up to me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close. Then he slipped his arms down my sides and hugged me tightly.

  That was all. We just stood there in one another’s arms doing nothing else.

  “I don’t…” I said against his chest.

  He’s so warm.

  I relaxed against Gerrid. He made a little sound and bent his head, kissing the top of my head. His hand rubbed my back gently.

  “Alphas don’t do this,” I said quietly.

  “Actually, the good ones do,” he said. “You’re lucky Blane is distracted. Well, more of, I am. Abraham is hiding. Otherwise they’d probably clue in and end up beating down your door.”

  “Any Alpha would know?” I asked.

  “Not any Alpha,” he murmured, leaning back to look down at me. “I believe common folk are calling us Higher Blood. What Alphas once were. No drugs or alcohol here. Nothing is clouding my vision.”

  “And what is it, that you see?”

  Gerrid smiled. “A gorgeous woman who has been through hell and needed a hug. That’s all. A nice, gentle hug.”

  “And sex?” I asked.

  I felt him stiffen against me. As we stood like that, the seconds ticked away. I knew he was trying to figure out if I was making an accusation, or an offering.

  “I’m not certain that’s appropriate given your past,” he said ever so slowly.

  “I want a cock,” I said with a motion to my lips. “In my mouth.”

  His mouth fell open and his eyes went wide.

  Gerrid blinked several times as he looked around the room as if searching for the person hiding behind the couch to prank him. When he finally focused back on me, his lips were quirking upward.

  “Let me just be clear,” I said. “Cock in mouth is not just about you.”

  “Oh, I assume as much,” he said. “But in all my days, and all the women I’ve slept with to collect research for Blane, I’ve never had a woman look at me, point at her mouth, and beg for a cock. Can. Can I just, like. I don’t know. I want to go with it, but I’m worried at the same time.”

  “That I’ll change my mind?”

  “That Rachel will know in twin-like psychic linking and bust in here to gut me with my own tongue.”

  No, he actually said tongue.

  I wondered if that was a saying for Alphas. If Gerrid had said it because he was used to hearing it, and I had thought it earlier because I had heard Owen say it many times. I watched him for a long moment, then bit my bottom lip.

  “Drop your pants.”

  Gerrid reached and unzipped his pants as I went down, watching him all the while. I reached and grasped him firmly, never looking away from his eyes as I moved my hand, feeling his throbbing, hot flesh under mine. The idea of it made me wet. His sudden intake of breath made it worse. I didn’t dare look away, not wanting to miss a second.

  I raised myself to the appropriate height and leaned forward, taking his head into my mouth, tongue lapping over it as I did so. The flavour
of his precum was indescribable. I could only register it as warm and wonderful, as if it imitated the velveteen feeling of the skin all down his length. I worked my way forward, taking in as much as I could as he moaned quietly.

  A hand set on my shoulder. I glanced for the other, unable to help the instinctive fear that welled up. But Gerrid’s other hand was balled into a fist in his pocket. He wanted to touch me, but was keeping his distance. I moved my head, and heard the throaty sound of his pleasure escaping his mouth.

  It emboldened me. I continued to move, enjoying every little elicit sound I drew out of him. I reached boldly into his pants and found his balls. A shudder rolled through him as I did grasped him firmly, massaging them with my hand.

  “Oh god, I’m going to…”

  That didn’t take long.

  I was almost disappointed as he came. I swallowed and lapped at him as he began to wilt, taking the last of it in.

  Gerrid slid his hand up my shoulder, to my neck, then to the side of my face as he raised me and peered into my eyes. A hundred things seemed to flash over his face.

  “If all women were as eager as you were to do such a thing, I’m fairly certain all war would end,” he said finally.

  “Are you saying you usually last longer?” I asked as I leaned back and wiped at my bottom lip with my thumb. “Because, frankly, I’m a little disappointed.”

  “Buried inside ass or vagina, yes, I last a great deal longer,” Gerrid said. “How about you get on the bed and spread your legs for me?”

  “I don’t want to have sex,” I said haughtily as I stood and walked away.

  “Don’t want to, or can’t?” Gerrid called after me.

  I stopped, a chill ran through me a moment before I turned back to Gerrid. The Alpha was tucked away, prim and proper once more. He slipped his hands back into his pockets as I watched him. He almost looked bored as he considered me.

  “One. My women do not have to give oral.”

  “I actually do enjoy a cock in my mouth.”

  “Two. You will eat.”

  “You assume I am yours.”

  “Three. You will exercise. I want muscle on that body, not skin and bone like you might snap in half if I threw you down and had my way with you.”

  “You’re kind of an asshole, aren’t you?”

  “Not an asshole, but have been known to be controlling,” Gerrid countered. “Four. I want to know what he did to you.”

  “What?”

  “Blane. What did he do to you? What did you ask him to do? Because I know you asked him to do something. He won’t do anything to you without your permission. What was it?”

  “I asked him to look at my vagina and uterus. There was scarring, especially around the opening. Tearing during childbirth that wasn’t seen to in a modern, proper way. It dulled the sensations.”

  “What’s that mean?”

  “I didn’t enjoy sex as much as I actually enjoy sex,” I countered.

  “Which means Blane was up and between your legs, looking at your vagina?” Gerrid asked.

  “He keeps a female nurse on hand at all times.”

  Gerrid made a long and low sound. It was one of understanding, that meant that he knew about the nurse and understood why she was there. He considered me, then sighed out through his nose.

  “Why get it fixed?”

  “I just said,” I responded.

  He shook his head, which made me sigh in annoyance. I gritted my hands and glared at the floor between us. It took a moment to get a hold over my emotions and to look up to meet his eyes once more.

  “I had it done because it altered where the nerves were and what I could feel.”

  “Oh,” he said, his voice a little higher than it was before.

  “That, you understand?” I asked.

  “Oh yes,” Gerrid said with several quick nods. “I’m a scientist. A woman telling me she had something done because it bothered her, it’s par for the course. All these women are getting nose jobs because they claim they have a deviate septum. If there are that many deviated septums, clearly it’s an evolutionary thing and everyone should have them.”

  “I had rips in my vagina, Gerrid!”

  “Yes, got that.”

  “Holes ripped in my happy place.”

  “I am comfortable with calling it a vagina,” he protested.

  “Then what makes you uncomfortable?” I asked.

  “I see holes in a vagina like holes in a penis,” he said. “Once, I thought that meant there’d be pee spraying everywhere, now I’ve come to realize it’s much worse. And more painful. I really believe if women started replacing complaints about their vagina with the word penis, men would start just throwing money at them.”

  “My penis is itchy.”

  “Bam, money.”

  “My penis smells funny.”

  “Dear Lord, take all the money.”

  “My penis feels like someone kicks it once a month.”

  “Damn, that’s bad.”

  “For five days in a row.”

  “Sweet baby Alphas, give this woman a grant, we have got to end the suffering of all the penises.”

  “Except it’s a vagina, not a penis that’s aching,” I said.

  “Tell Blane?” Gerrid asked.

  “I’m telling you.”

  Gerrid swore. “You can’t just tell me that.”

  “Fix the inequality,” I said sternly.

  He swore again and looked at the door, then turned back to me.

  “I’m more science based than political.”

  “Gerrid.”

  “I know what you want, I’m just admitting up front, I’m better with fixing your vagina than I am at protecting… wow, that sounds bad.”

  “My vagina gets violated, you won’t need to protect it.”

  “No?” Gerrid asked.

  “No, you’ll probably want to run in the other direction.”

  “While I know you’re capable of it, what Rachel did was one in a million.”

  I walked up to Gerrid and set my hand on his shoulder. He seemed confused, for a moment. He looked at my hand, then turned to me as I put a pressure on his shoulder. There was that confusion again as he began to lower. He kneeled on the floor, looking up at me as I moved that hand to his cheek.

  “I am not my sister,” I said.

  Then I removed my hand and walked away.

  “You’ve upset me. Leave.”

  “Please,” Gerrid said.

  “You can’t serve me, I’m not serviceable,” I said.

  “You think a man can only please a woman with sex?” he asked.

  I frowned. “Without a long-term relationship, yes.”

  Gerrid smiled up at me.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “Nothing, just, go nap or something.”

  Chapter Five

  I napped. While I napped, Gerrid moved about but it hardly disturbed me. I used to be a light sleeper, but apparently not any longer. It was a good nap, the kind that didn’t make me feel heavy or hot afterward.

  When I awoke, Gerrid was laying beside me, his heat lending to mine. I woke with my back to him, but in that sleepy moment of wakefulness, I turned toward him and pressed my nose against his chest. I breathed in his scent and was happy for a man being near me. His arm wrapped up, around my back and it gladdened me.

  The heat of an Alpha was different than that of a regular man. All down my length, where Gerrid touched me, a tingle began spreading slowly. That combined with the heat and I was more than happy to just lay there all night.

  I came to full wakefulness slowly, but when I was alert, I found myself pressed against the strong body of a man who wasn’t trying to grope or fondle me. That thought alone brought me to the point of moving before I had a thought. I sat up and looked down at Gerrid as he pried his eyes open and peered at me.

  “When was the last time you slept?” I asked.

  He had a distant sort of look in his eyes. Alphas could go wi
thout sleep for long periods if necessary, but they still needed sleep. Being such big men, they were notorious for crashing down and sleeping for days on end where they fell.

  I wanted to know if Gerrid was about to pass out on top of me.

  While I had moved a desk while annoyed, I didn’t think I’d be able to pull it off with an Alpha. Or, if I did, I’d do it in such a way that it woke him and he ended up snapping my neck in a rage, thinking I was an enemy.

  “Naps here and there,” he said. “Before you protest, I should stay alert until nightfall, at least, to get my rhythm back into sync. Once that happens, you can yell at me, okay?”

  He sounded exhausted. The rings under his eyes had gotten worse. With a sigh, I shifted in the bed and looked down at him. He was moving sluggishly for an Alpha. I expected a spring to his step, but instead he was moving slowly and almost groaning as he did so.

  “What can we do until then?” I asked.

  “Treat me like a regular man,” he grumbled. “No sex, so that’s good. I’m so tired. I’ve never been this tired before.”

  I expected that sort of whining from a regular person, it actually made it easier for me to roll my eyes and press him for an answer.

  “How long since you actually slept?” I asked.

  Gerrid seemed to consider, then shrugged.

  “We’ve been trying to tag the location of the existence. Blane decides when I reach beyond my ability. He decided, so I went to bed. That was when you woke up. Trouble, so I got up again too.”

  I had no idea what ‘location of existence’ meant. Maybe some kind of shorthand he and Blane used in the lab?

  “Blane looks out for you.”

  “Pays me well,” Gerrid grumbled as he slipped out of bed.

  He rubbed his face in an irritable fashion, then turned to me and held his hand out. I reached out and took it, following his little tug off the bed and slipping into his arms.

  “I may be tired, but I’m not completely stupid. Just a little snarky because I’m not where I usually am.”

  “I was concerned, was all,” I countered.

  He made a little sound and motioned toward the kitchen, walking in that direction as his hand tangled with mine. Which meant that I followed him along. In the kitchen, he released my hand.